…[He] discovered that George W. Bush had been snatched off the deck of a shrimp trawler by an enormous purple tentacle in the Gulf of Mexico and gotten himself devoured somewhere miles beneath the ocean by a giant squid; his remains were, oddly enough, located inside the belly of a sperm whale, along with the enormous beak and the hideous tentacles of the beast which had presumably eaten the former president of the United States. This was the second modern right-wing ideologue to have been eaten alive by a wild animal in the 2010s; the astute reader will recall that Rush Limbaugh met a similar fate in the Amazon, where he was devoured and then regurgitated by a truly monstrous anaconda while doing racist impersonations of Chinese government officials. Bush was only found at all thanks to his Finnish cellphone, which was waterproof. America’s other long-since irrelevant and mostly forgotten neoconservatives (like John Podhoretz, David Frum, Ann Coulter, those infamous beneficiaries of Soviet largesse and the principal creators of the Tea Party, the Brothers Koch; Dick Cheney, Judith Miller, John Bolton, Sean Hannity, Roger Ailes, etc.) sent their condolences, took note of a new pattern in history, and wondered if the gods had not finally turned against them, after favoring their meteoric rise for so many decades.
The Last President’s Fate; an excerpt from my novel